Not alone
by ADS77
Summary: They say that if you truly love someone, all you want would be just for the person to be happy. Sayoko. Sayaka/Kyoko


Obligatory Sayaka/Kyouko fic. Because. I just had to. D:

In Sayaka POV. Although I like Kyouko more. But it's much more fun this way. Also I'll probably write the Kyouko part to this fic before I write the Madoka centric for my other fic. Unless ep10 changes my mind.

Disclaimer: Not mine

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I loved him. With all my heart. Truly I did. They say that if you truly love someone, all you want would be just for the person to be happy. I am souless. A zombie. She is a much better candidate for him. I know that. So why? Why did it hurt so much when I see him with Hitomi?

I wanted to see him smile. I wanted to hear him play. I wanted him to hold me.

I was sure I loved him more than she did. I used a miracle, my wish, when I could have something more, (likemoneyyouthorhislove) And her? What did she do? She didn't even visit him in the hospital. But I did. Daily. I cared for him.

My soul gem is tainting.

I am stubborn. I have pride. And I can also feel myself disappearing. Bit by bit.

Something is overwhelming me, something dark. Sometimes, I no longer know what I am doing.

The girl who tried to kill me is here again. She comes to my house daily. Does she think this will change anything? Her efforts are futile. I have given up. Just go away.

It's no use. I'm slipping away. Fading. The part of me that wanted to protect the town. The part of me that respected Mami. The part of me that stood up for justice. It's long gone. Something is eating me and I'm gradually fading. Hate and despair is overwhelming me.

I don't feel like struggling. Why should I? I've lost all hope. Lost my world. Lost my soul, lost Kamijio. Now I'm losing myself. I think I can't call myself Miki Sayaka anymore.

Something is tugging onto me. What is it? Leave me alone. Oh. It's just Madoka. What does she want again? What? For me to stop behaving like this? How can she say something like that. I didn't choose to be like this. She's not the one undergoing all of this. How can she even understand me? She's not EVEN a magical girl.

Oh good. She's gone. I'm alone again. I don't feel sorry or regretful for my behavior towards her. She had a choice. And she chose not to help me.

That Akemi girl is offering me a grief seed. I do not want it. Why should I take it when I know she hates me? That's just stupid. The animosity. I can feel it. I do not say that. Instead I say, "I am a different magical girl."

The look in her eye doesn't change. She wants to kill me now. "Stop hurting Madoka," she says.

She's finally revealed her true self. Yes. Madoka. It's all about Madoka. Madoka Madoka Madoka. Kyubey says she's strong. Akemi would do anything to help her. Mami adored her. I wouldn't be surprised if it turns out that Kamijio loved her too.

Me? I'm just nobody. So what if I've hurt my best friend. So what? She deserves some pain. She, who is living a comfortable and easy life with her family and friends, should get a dose of reality. And who better than to prescribe it to her? But no. No one thanked me for doing that. I'm getting death threats instead. I close my eyes and prepare to die. The world doesn't need me anyway.

But the final blow didn't come. I open my eyes. Kyouko is stopping Akemi. That girl again. She's really a busybody. So much for living for yourself. She doesn't practice what she preach.

I can sense the witch in me growing. Faster and faster. Either way, I'll probably end up dying. But I still ran. I don't know why I ran. It felt good. That feeling of freedom. It overtook jealousy, loneliness and all the other negative feelings I had.

I remember entering a train. And scolding some people. Then all went black.

It felt good. Much better than what I felt when I was running. It was as if I've let it all out. All the hatred and emotions in me. It felt like I went back to normal and could call myself Miki Sayaka once again.

In the darkness, I could hear some faint mutterings. Madoka's voice distinctly echoed throughout my head. But there was this other voice that stood out more. This other voice that belonged to an irritating red-haired girl. Not Kamijio, not my parents. But Kyouko. Somehow, she managed to stand out more than my best friend. Somehow I could hear her voice instead of my love ones. I wonder why.

When I came to, she was the first one I saw. She was crying and hugging me tightly. I couldn't breathe. Then I noticed I didn't need to breathe at all.

I was dead. And since she's here with me, she's probably dead too.

Why doesn't she leave me alone even after I'm dead? Does she even listen to what I say? Apparently not. She's annoying. Really. She's clingy. Irritating. Stubborn. What else? Oh. I nearly forgot. She's a thief too.

Now, I think I finally know why I don't want him to be happy with her.

I do.

Not because I am a jealous evil witch. Or that hope offsets despair. Or whatever Kyouko was going on and on about.

But because he wasn't the one I loved the most.

That thieving girl had somehow stolen my heart away.

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I intended to portray Sayaka before she turned into a witch. So this is my interpretation of how one feels when they get tainted. I hope it's not too OOC.


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